Monday, July 5, 2010

A Father's Care

I was so anxious about my birthday- I think it's become an open secret, judging by some of the notes/comments I've gotten from people in my world. But as it approached, I was beginning to relax and really just trust that it was going to be okay. I was ready for the good, bad, or indifferent.
It started with the surprise cupcakes from my Bible study on Thursday. So simple, but it meant so much for me. As I got in the car, I could almost feel God squeezing my hand and saying, "Stop worrying about it, darling. I've got this." My actual birthday was a wonderful day filled with long conversations, lunch with my aunt, leisurely reading, an amazing dinner with my disciplers and sunflowers, and Toy Story 3 with friends who went out of their way to join me. Maria came up on Saturday, and we had a fun filled day of mani/pedis (Maria is a pedi-virgin no more), Borders, dinner, and sleep over. We woke up and went to my favorite coffee place for breakfast and went to a great service at TFC. Afterwards, she left, but I immediately got ready to go to a BBQ at my aunt's house. We hung out at the pool and had some of the best beef tenderloin I've ever had, courtesy of my uncle. I scurried home to get on Skype with Kayla and then Bess. I slept in late this morning, ran some errands, and met sweet Bess at my favorite pub for a shared birthday dinner. Now, as I sit here and get ready for the week, I reflect back with amazement and humble gratitude.
This weekend, people who had no obligation to me, no tie to have to be with me, came through for me. They went out of their way to make me feel special, in the big ways and the small. I have been completed taken care of. How did I get so lucky? I didn't- it's called grace.
So, to all the people who were their for me this birthday, who made me feel special and wanted, who went out of their way to come through for me on this occasion, I am so grateful. As I continue through what is a very difficult period in my emotional and spiritual life, I have learned that I am and can be hurt, but that I am not breaking- I am not broken. I was so afraid of this birthday because I thought it would be a test of whether or not I could deal with my feelings and my stuff. As it turns out, He didn't want this to be a test. He wanted to be a fortifier as I continue to slog forward through the swamp. I am heartened and renewed and ready to press forward.

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