Friday, July 8, 2011

In the In-Between

I like plans. I like knowing where I'm going and what I'm doing, how I'm getting there and when I need to act. That's how I'm wired and that's all I know.

So it's just weird to be at a point where I literally don't know where my life is going. I usually have at least some constant to center myself around... school or work, if nothing else. But as of January 3rd, I have no idea what I'm doing in the short term (I'm waiting to figure out where I will be staffed next) or in the long term (I'm waiting to understand what my options for the future are going to be). I literally have no plans beyond going to prayer class Wednesday night and church on Sunday morning. Everything else in my life is open... I just don't know how to respond to this place.

I am thankful that my anchor and center is Jesus, who is a surer foundation than any of these other touch points that I too often cling to. I want this to be a time to learn to trust Him further and deeper. I am also thankful for this reminder of the peace that surpasses all understanding and am encouraged by the growth I see in my response to these times of uncertainty. I am not freaking out - mostly, I'm marveling at my lack of freak out and trying to develop a "new normal" response to these moments.

That's the thing - as I grow in my ability to respond with maturity to things, I'm not yet used to being unshaken. Basically, I'm not used to being more okay with ambiguity. Ha.

Anyways, I'm just trying to be faithful at this juncture of uncertainty, but I'm also trying to enjoy the certainty that I do have that I am in good hands. I'll leave you with a poem my pastor shared with us last year:

I asked for strength that I might achieve,
I was made weak that I might obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things,
I was given grace that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy,
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I received nothing that I asked for and all that I hoped for.
-- Found on the body of a Confederate solider

Do you like ambiguity or are you more Type A like me? How do you handle moments of uncertainty in your own life?