But now I have my first school year under my belt - even my first summer class taken care of - and it feels like I have a little room to breathe. I look back to last September and I almost laugh at how different my life feels after 9 months in Vancouver. I'm happier - crazy happier. Some of that is me actually having time to invest in people again, which was nearly impossible with my last job. Some of that is me loving Vancouver, which feels like a good temperamental fit for me and makes me feel at home. Some of that is me having a new career path that makes me feel alive and excited. A lot of it, though, is me being out of a multi-year cycle of dealing with my shit. Being here in Vancouver represents me moving out of deconstruction mode and entering reconstruction mode.
I'm also just a different person. It's weird to say that after only 9 months, but when I look at my journal from this time last year, it's clear how fundamentally my thinking has changed. It's hard to quantify what that looks like in a few words, but I see two big areas of change. One, I have begun to unpack the implications of the Incarnation for human bodies generally and my own body particularly. It's changing the way I think of gender, social justice, human frailty, human desires, etc. etc. Two, I understand that the religious training I received in my formative years was fundamentally flawed - it engendered fear of questions at a basic level. In it's desire to affirm the primacy of truth (which, fair enough), it strangled any possibility of contradiction. If you didn't agree with X minor theological point, you couldn't be a Christian. So shape up or ship out. Being at Regent has been so liberating in that it has helped me see where core orthodoxy truly lies and freed me from a culture of fear. I feel free - like I can breathe - and more confident in my faith.
Anyways, that's kind of where I am these days. I have 2 things that I'm wanting to do here on the blog now that I have some time. 1) I really love starting book conversations on here, especially when they bleed out into real life. And I've been doing a lot of reading this year. But most of it is more academic stuff, probably not too exciting to read about, so I'm going to do a few "bulk" posts to talk about what I've been reading. 2) I need to introduce some frivolity into my media consumption. It's harder to do that through books since I have to read so much... soooo... I'm gong to start an epic Friends rewatch! Every Friday, I'll put some thoughts up on a few episodes. Should be an interesting experiment, as it has been a few years since I've watched it at any length. So stay tuned for that!
I've missed y'all - good to be back!